WEEK4: ABSTINENCE
MEANING OF ABSTINENCE:
It is defined as the practice of restraining oneself from indulging in something, typically alcohol or sex.
It can also be defined as the abstention from sexual intercourse. It is a self enforced restraint from indulging in bodily activities that are widely experienced as given pleasure.
TYPES OF ABSTINENCE.
- lifelong abstinence
- Delayed abstinence
- Periodic abstinence
PERIODIC ABSTAINENCE:
Also known as fertility awareness, natural family planning, and the rhythm method, this approach entails not having sexual intercourse on the days of a woman’s menstrual cycule when she could become pregnant or using a barrier method (such as a condom, the diaphragm or a cervical cap) for birth control on those days.
DELAYED ABSTINENCE:
Abstaining from sex and/or delaying sexual initiation are important outcomes for sex education programs, although these outcomes may be difficult to achieve. Delaying sexual initiation is a reasonable goal when working with youth who have not generally begun to engage in sexual behavior. Increasing sexual abstinence is a reasonable goal for programs working with any population of sexually active teens.
LIFE LONG ABSTINENCE:
Lifelong (or at least long-term) abstinence, often associated with philosophical or religious asceticism, is distinguished from chastity before marriage. Abstinence is often viewed as an act of self-control over the natural desire to have sex. The display of the strength of character allows the abstainer to set an example for those not able to contain their “base urges.” At other times, abstinence has been seen as a great social skill practiced by those who refuse to engage with the material and physical world. Some groups that propose sexual abstinence consider it an essential means to reach a particular intellectual or spiritual condition, or that chastity allows one to achieve a required self-control or self-consciousness.
SKILLS AND BEHAVIOURS OF ABSTINENCE
- DECISION MAKING: individual must possess a strong determination not to engage in immoral act before marriage.
- SELF CONTROL: self discipline is an essential factor that will help individual not to be part of such dirty act.
- AQUIRE KNOWLEDGE AND INFORMATION; knowing fully well about the consequences of sexual intercourse and having a deep knowledge of it, help one to stay away from it.
- ADVANCED PREPARATION; identity cases and situations that may lead you to engage in it and find out best ways of working against them.
- COMMUNICATION:As an individual we should come to the knowledge of the consequences and also we should be able to have a meaningful discussion with anyone wanting to lure you into immoral affairs such discussions will surely help you to desist from such individual.
REASONS WHY YOUNG PEOPLE MUST ABSTAIN FROM PRE-MARITAL SEX.
1. It breaks God’s laws and dishonors Him—search a concordance for the word “fornication.” We could stop here—it’s all we really need to know.
2. It presents huge physical risk—diseases and illness are rampant among those who engage in this lifestyle.
3. It presents huge emotional risk—a physical and emotional bond without a spiritual commitment is never a winning experience.
4. It presents huge spiritual risk—grieving the Holy Spirit and offending a holy God means we forfeit God’s best. We never win by dishonoring God.
5. It is awkward, guilt ridden, unfulfilling, and not representative of God’s original intent—hence a culture that continually seeks fulfillment with new partners and relationships.
6. It is disappointing at the physical, emotional, and spiritual levels—the only physical intimacy that exceeds expectations is that founded on long-term commitment and marital growth.
7. It creates a spiritual/emotional bond without commitment—this only breeds resentment, bitterness, and the feeling of being used. It says something like this, “I don’t love you enough to commit to you, but I love me enough to use you.”
8. It destroys trust—the best way to have trust in a marriage is to stay pure before you get married. Learning to be committed to Christ (in purity) is the best way to learn to be committed to a spouse.
9. It creates resentment and frustration—it was designed to happen within a committed marriage of selfless love. Outside of that, fornication just breaks the heart and wounds the soul.
10. It leaves you empty and searching for real love—physical intimacy doesn’t create a loving, committed relationship, it’s the fruit of one.
11. It devalues the future intimacy of your marriage—intimacy is “just the two of us.” Premarital relationships destroy that before it even happens.
12. It prevents the greatest intimacy in marriage—the purest and most fulfilling marital relationship is that which is forever untouched by previous relationships. (If you have failed morally, don’t lose hope. Claim God’s grace, and begin protecting your future marriage today by abstaining from further fornication.) Jesus doesn’t shame you, but He would say, “Go and sin no more.”
13. It sets a person on a path of unfulfilling sexual experiences—fornication is a downward spiral of perpetually unfulfilling relationships.
14. It attempts to shortcut God’s plan for marriage and family—it turns God’s great gift of family and love into a cheap thrill and self-centered pleasure quest.
REASONS WHY YOUNG PEOPLE ENGAGE IN PRE MARITAL SEX.
(1) Pressure: Pressure from parents, friends, peer group, lecturer, boss, future partners. Some men do mount pressure physically on their partners while some ladies mount pressure on their partners by dressing carelessly exposing their nakedness to seduce men. Some male bosses in places of work do mount pressure on their female workers, they want girls that can work for them and still satisfy them sexually.
(2) Curiosity: Many youths have engaged themselves in premarital sex as a result of curiosity. They thought they were searching for reality, but they ended up destroying themselves. They are not satisfied with what their parents, pastors and Christian friends told them concerning sex, they want to experience it themselves.
(3) Electronic media: Television, film, radio and video has contributed to the high rate of premarital sex. What youths watch on screen determine their behavior and character. Every product advertised on T.V. is just promoting sex. In fact, to advertise food items they use sex, film, television and radio promotes premarital sex. Most home videos are sex promoters.
(4) Books and Magazines: Some satanic authors are in town destroying the youths, they write some sexual stories, books and magazines, and they bring out many pictures that stimulate the youth to think about sex always. Having read all these books, youths do become restless until they have put into practice what they learned in the books and magazines.
(5) Environmental influence: We live in a corrupt society where people do not see anything bad in ungodliness they do notsee premarital sex as sin; they see it as a normal thing. Hence, girls are encouraged to dress exposing their bodies. Premarital sex has become the norm of the society. Some Christian youths find it difficult to cope in this kind of environment; hence, they fall into this ungodly act.
(6) Covetousness: Greed for money, wealth and position is another cause of premarital sex. Some ladies want money at all costs hence they are ready to use their bodies to get it by sleeping around with men.
(7) Indiscipline: Lack of discipline has led many singles into the dungeon of premarital sex.
(8) Wrong association: This has led many youth into destruction. Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are.
(9) Ignorance: Lack of good sex education has led many youth into premarital sex; some went into it not knowing what they were doing.
(10) Wrong information: Since parents have refused to educate their children on the subject and the church is not forth coming with anything meaningful, the youth have resorted to any information they can get from anywhere either wrong or right.
(11) Bad parenting: Children that are not well brought up are likely to fall into wrong hands.
(12) Idleness: An idle hand is the devil’s workshop. If you are idle, you may cuddle the devil.
(13) Loneliness: Some claim they went into fornication due to loneliness.
(14) Broken homes: Children from broken homes can fall into wrong hands due to the situation of their homes.
15. It prevents you from having the most fulfilling sexual relationship—while a person is sleeping around, they are NOT preparing for the wonderful lifetime relationship that God intended.
16. It enlarges sexual desires and makes them insatiable—thinking with your hormones allows them to become an unruly taskmaster.
17. It puts the flesh and hormones in control of your life—you are more than a chemical reaction that seeks gratification. Don’t allow your life to be directed by physical desires. Submit those desires to the Holy Spirit, and let them be fulfilled in God’s time and in God’s way.
18. It creates children without strong homes—God intends this relationship to create a family with a foundation of commitment and lifetime love.
19. It feeds the abortion industry—illicit relationship creates unwanted children which creates “the abortion industry.”
20. It cannot be done safely—no matter what culture says safe sex is one man, one woman, committed in marriage, for the rest of their lives.
FACTS ABOUT ABSTINENCE
- Sexual activity at an early age has multiple harmful consequences.
- Sexual health education does not teach students how to have sex.
- Teaching sexual health in school does not replace it from being taught at home.
- Comprehensive sexual health education does not lead to increased rates of sexual behavior in adolescents.
- Students in elementary are not too young to receive or inquire about information on sexual health.
- Comprehensive sexual health education does teach abstinence.
- Condoms are very effective in preventing pregnancy and STI.
- Kids may not pick up what they need to know.
- If you talk to kids about sex they are less likely to experiment.
- Students are exposed to sex and sexuality whether we talk about it or not.
- It is not better to avoid teaching sexual health, even if you don’t feel completely comfortable with the topic.
MYTHS ABOUT ABSTINENCE
There are a number of confusions about sexuality education, one of which is defining it as “sex education”. The word “sex” is used in our culture to mean sexual intercourse. “Sexuality” is a much broader word and its meanings include sexual values and decision-making, biology, emotions, gender identity, sex roles, relationships and feelings. It’s often difficult to talk with our children about sexuality, in part because most of us didn’t have parents who discussed it with us. Therefore, we lack models of positive sexuality educators. Also, we may believe some of the following myths.
Myth: Students in elementary are too young to need information about sexuality.
Fact: In every subject, students are given a foundation in the early school years that is expanded upon in later years. Children are often curious about issues related to sexuality and need accurate, age-appropriate information. Children also need to learn the correct names of all their body parts so that they can tell someone if they have been sexually abused.
Myth: If you talk to kids about sex they will go out and experiment.
Fact: Children who are well informed and comfortable talking about sexuality with their parents are also the least likely to have intercourse when they are adolescents. Knowledge does not lead to inappropriate behavior, whereas a lack of information poses greater risks.
Myth: Kids will pick up what they need to know.
Fact: Kids are constantly picking up sexual messages, many of them ones that do not promote healthy sexuality. They will pick up the commercial and exploitive messages that are in the interest of advertisers to promote, and they will pick up misinformation from their uninformed peers. From adults, they may pick up the message that there is something wrong with feeling comfortable about sexuality.
Myth: If I don’t feel completely comfortable talking to my students about sexual issues, it’s better not to say anything at all.
Fact: It is quite common to be uncomfortable talking about sexuality. However, we should not let this stop us from educating our students. It is important for educators to provide comprehensive Sexual Health Education that is culturally and socially appropriate, and that meets students’ needs. Talking about facts rather than values is an effective way to combat apprehension. Educator training is an effective method for developing comfort and skill.
Myth: Comprehensive sexual health education doesn’t address abstinence.
Fact: Comprehensive Sexual Health Education stresses abstinence as the preferred sexual behavior among teens. Abstaining from sexual activity that involves exchange of bodily fluids and/or genital-to-genital or skin to genital contact is the only way to be absolutely sure of avoiding the risk of pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections. Postponement of initial sexual activity until maturity, adherence to one sexual partner and protected sexual intercourse are sequentially offered as the next best alternatives. The programs that have been most effective in helping young people to abstain discuss both abstinence and contraception.
EVALUATION:
1. Define abstinence
2. State myths and facts about abstinence.
3. Mention reasons why adolescence do not abstain.
4. Identify some skills and behavior that promote abstinence.
5. Explain reasons why young people engage in pre marital sex.